Amanda Holden's Vagina Appears In Crop Circle

A CROP circle depicting the genitalia of TV talent show judge Amanda Holden has appeared in an Oxfordshire field.

Experts say it is the most accurate representation of a famous sex area yet undertaken by aliens and heralds a spectacular summer of B-List celebrity private parts invading Britain's cereal industry.

Denys Hatton, of the website CropCircleData.com, said: "'What's really notable is the detail. It appears to show a slightly grown-out Brazilian with a few straggly 'spider-legs' on either side."

He added: "Even someone who had never seen Cutting It or Britain Must be Stopped would have to admit that it's obviously Amanda's fun-zone."

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It's possible the aliens are tapping into some kind of collective consciousness and chose Amanda Holden's vagina because of its deep symbolic resonance.

"Or maybe they just want to help her break into the American market."

He added: "Either way, we haven't seen this level of intricacy in a celebrity vagina crop circle since Davia McCall's labia appeared in a field of beans near Leighton Buzzard."

But the field's owner James Peakes, of Parsonage Farm, was less impressed: "I'm sure many men dream of being able to see Amanda Holden's fandango from their kitchen window, but it's actually quite annoying.

"Hundreds of people have trampled my crops, and I can't even charge admission as technically that would make me a pimp."

His wife Sarah added: "I don't see why anyone would want to cross the universe in a spaceship just to draw Amanda Holden's twat in some barley. But if it was aliens, then they need to get a life."

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Germans Use Brown Video For Hitler Spoof

GERMANS are using footage of Gordon Brown to create hilarious spoofs of Hitler's last days in his Berlin bunker, it emerged last night.

The four minute clips show the beleaguered prime minister defending his record in the House of Commons, while the German captions portray him as the Nazi dictator railing against his generals.

Dortmund-based sales manager, Gunter Schroll, who has had more than two million views of his spoof video, said: "When he starts shouting and pointing I have him saying, 'this is treason! Treason, I tell you!'.

"Then, when he seems to point in the direction of Herr Balls, I have him saying, 'and here, at the end, is it only Goebbels who will remain by my side?'."

A spoof by Herman Dopplinger, a student from Cologne, uses footage of Mr Brown attacking Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, but the caption reads: "Are you telling me the Russians have captured the railway bridge? My God, they are only 12km from the centre of the city!"

Mr Brown then adds: "They should hang the entire leadership of the Luftwaffe!"

In Dopplinger's version the desperate prime minister is shown turning towards the Speaker, Michael Martin, and saying: "Wenk is advancing with the 9th army. He can join up with the 12th and deal the Russians a final crushing blow."

But then, with a look of weary resignation, he adds: "Even if an advance is successful I will just end up in another troublesome situation."

The craze has inspiried other spoof videos including Brown as the manager of relegation-threatened Borussia Monchengladbach and the prime minister reacting to the final of German TV talent show Deutchland Kann Singen.

Dopplinger added: "I know people in Britain might find it tasteless, but it's really just a bit of fun."