THE British monarchy, which has survived almost 1,000 years of beheadings, revolts and wars, is in crisis after anodyne statements by a boring actress.
The supposedly impregnable institution is thought to be teetering on the edge of collapse after a woman who married into it gave an interview to a magazine.
Royalist Margaret Gerving said: “We could get past Charles I being executed and Henry VIII splitting with the Catholic church. But a podcast?
“Vague, self-serving therapy-speak by a rich Californian who’s not really Royal anymore, whose children could only rise to the throne if the events of King Ralph were to take place in real life? The Queen might as well pack her bags and leave Balmoral today.
“The monarchy cannot withstand revelations like ‘it takes a lot of effort to forgive’ or ‘we were upsetting the dynamic of the hierarchy by existing’. Compared to those bombshells, Edward VIII’s abdication is a mere storm in a teacup.
“Meghan’s got an interview with Mariah Carey dropping on Spotify later today. I expect the impact of that to be seismic. By the end of the day cheering crowds will be waving Charles’s severed head on the balcony of Buck House and Britain will be a republic.”
The Queen said: “Meghan? Now which one is she? I’ve got lots of grandchildren and I’m 96 years old.”