Bieber fandom just a cruel prank

MILLIONS of young girls just pretended to like Justin Bieber as an evil joke, it has emerged.

So-called Beliebers confessed they never enjoyed Bieber’s music or fancy him, and that they think his dancing is stupid.

13-year-old Mary Fisher said: “It’s a bit like in the film Carrie where Carrie thinks she’s prom queen then the pig blood falls on her.

“It was all a prank and now he’s tantalisingly close to an epic meltdown we’re springing our trap. That’s how cold-hearted teenage girls are.

“Justin Bieber was our long-term project, and the early signs are that we’ve created a new Michael Jackson whose freakish psyche will keep us entertained for the rest of our lives.

“Or at least until he expires prematurely in a hyperbaric chamber surrounded by giant iguanas surgically altered to have his own face.”

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Corporate marketing tool to warm morons' hearts

IMBECILES around the UK are preparing to be enchanted by an advert for a big shop.

John Lewis’s seasonal emotion-manipulator debuts on TV this Saturday. It is ostensibly about friendship despite its actual message of ‘purchase objects’.

Fucking idiot Tom Booker, who watched the ad on YouTube, said: “A hare and a bear are friends. I am a grown man but I like that concept because I am intensely stupid.

“I love these epic Christmas ads because my feeble mind can’t work out when to have an emotion.

“It’s a nice, warm thing to have my feelings expertly puppeteered by a large company.”

Moron Emma Bradford said: “Is the John Lewis ad a well-crafted but ultimately cynical festive tale that exists only to generate more profit?

“If so, I’m in. Cartoon animals and shopping are my top things in the world.

“Anyone who doesn’t like those things is just mean.”

Naturalist Roy Hobbs said: “In real life, if a bear got close enough to a hare it would bite it in half then yank out its steaming giblets.

“Merry Christmas everyone!”