YOU would not believe the size of Billy Bragg’s house, it emerged last night.
As Bragg’s neighbours received anonymous letters urging them to drive the hectoring socialist monster out of their sleepy Dorset village, everyone said, ‘who cares about that shit, look at the size of that bloody thing’.
Bragg bought the house 11 years ago as a protest against living somewhere really pokey without a glorious view and an acre of expertly manicured left-wing garden.
Tom Logan, a man who thinks New England is quite good, said: “I always imagined he lived in a terrace in a moderately gentrified part of east London, surrounded by people from a variety of cultures that he would ‘jam’ with.
“And I assumed that he would keep just enough money to live a simple life and give the rest to poor people or small circulation magazines about struggles.
“I have to say that the sheer heft of Mr Bragg’s house has come as something of a shock.”
Helen Archer, a woman who’s having none of it, said: “I’m sure he’s done very well for himself – that song he did about having sex is very jaunty. But wasn’t he supposed to hand over most of his money in order to promote some notion of equality? Or did he think the government was supposed to do it for him?”
Last night Bragg said he would have given more money to poor people if it was not for the extension and the double glazing and confirmed that anyone who noticed the size of his house was just an ‘old fashioned racist’.