By Joanna Kramer, aged 42, a mother-of-three from Alderley Edge

MIDDLE-class mums on cocaine one week, middle-class mums on Tramadol the next. I’m blasting skunk nightly. Where’s my f**king Daily Mail article? 

I have a responsible job as a GP or head of HR or some shit like that. I have beautiful children who go to good schools. My husband works in finance. I’m white, in case you didn’t get the hint from the last three sentences.

But while all these coked-out yummy mummies are drowning in demonising coverage and the tranq-addled are finally getting their due, what do I get for rolling a fat one nightly and smoking it in the extensive gardens of our five-bed £750,000 home? Ignored.

What, is cannabis not dangerous now? No Daily Mail worthy of the name ‘bigoted hate-sheet’ would ever believe that. I remember the outrage when it was a Class B substance, when it knows full well it’s responsible for all street violence.

And more than that, it’s a risk to others. Small children with good academic grades could walk past, inhale a lungful of lemon haze and become addicts for life. Not round here because nobody lets their kids out, but in theory.

Where’s the condemnation for me working at home and doing bong hits between Teams meetings? Where’s the indignation at my buying weed off Instagram? This garden office cost 27 grand and it’s basically a drug den. Nothing.

I wouldn’t mind if I’m not hot, but I am. This is one MILF who’s followed by envious eyes up and down the aisles at M&S Food. Titillation, respectability and depravity on one sexy package.

Whatever, Daily Mail. Disappointing that you’ve betrayed your core values, but your loss. I’ll comfort myself by doing edibles on a playdate.