Can I have one girlfriend without you bastards f**king it up? asks Harry

PRINCE Harry has asked the world’s media if he could just have one relationship that is not immediately ruined by bastard journalists. 

The prince has released a letter to the media asking if they could just one time not steam straight into a new girlfriend’s life and bollocks it all up.

He continued: “Seriously you fuckers, the prince thing only gets you so far when she’s getting a hundred texts her day about her mum being followed by stubbly, fag-scented photographers.

“And I do not need every newspaper in Britain muttering words like ‘Compton’ and ‘ghetto’ like a horrendously prejudiced grandparent. Especially as I already have a horrendously prejudiced grandparent.

“Stop saying I could do better. You might think so, but by any realistic measure she’s already way out of my league, okay?”

Following the letter, newspapers agreed that what would be lovely is getting out the family album to show this new girl photos of Harry dressed as a Nazi.