Duchess creates ‘new memories’ for William’s ex-girlfriends

A POIGNANT photo at the Taj Mahal has given the Duchess of Cambridge a fresh opportunity to tell her husband’s exes to eat it.

The Duchess said the image would be ‘something else for them to remember’ in 30 years’ time, when they are not the Queen and she is.

Kate sent the photo to William’s teenage sweetheart, Jecca Craig, with a note saying: “Oh look, who’s this being as iconic as fuck? It’s definitely not you, you stupid hippy.”

To Tess Shepherd, who was pictured with William during the couple’s brief split in 2007, she wrote: “Yet another massive defeat for the forces of skankery.

“Have a nice day not being on holiday with a prince. Eat that, you minger.”

And to Isabella Calthorpe, once regarded as William’s favourite, she wrote: “Not so common now, am I? Taj fucking Mahal. The Big One.”

She added: “YOU ARE AN ARSE!”

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Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers. 

Area manager Carolyn Ryan, who always wears severe suits and her hair up, was widely assumed to be drop-dead gorgeous beneath her spectacles.

But co-worker Norman Steele said: “I stayed late in the hope that, after a day under fluorescent lighting staring at a screen, her tired eyes would need relief.

“I couldn’t believe it when she reached up, took them by the frame and slowly, seductively pulled them off, leaving her face exactly the same.

“Only without glasses.”

IT assistant Joe Turner agreed: “It’s hard to describe how little difference it made. It was almost as if she had the same face unchanged in any detail except for the spectacles.

“Still, I bet when she takes her hair out of that bun she’s absolutely smoking hot.”