Thursday, 13th May 2021

Duchess of Sussex announces she's had a cushion up her top for six months

THE Duchess of Sussex has surprised the media by calling a press conference then whipping a cushion out from under her jumper. 

Meghan revealed that her entire pregnancy had been nothing but a trick played on weirdos creepily obsessed with Royal babies, and asked for acknowledgement that it was funny as fuck.

She said: “Stringing everyone along by sticking increasingly larger cushions into my outfits has been hilarious for months, but I guess it had to end sometime.

“What is wrong with you people? If you paid as much attention to the state of the country as you have to whether I’m calling my baby Diana or not, it might be a less shit place to live.

“Yeah, the Queen was in on it. She reckoned she deserved a laugh at the public’s expense after all the embarrassment of the Brexit referendum. She’s actually thinking of chucking Great Britain out of the Commonwealth.”

"By the way, if I did have a baby, I'd call it Madison or Ryan or something. That would shit you all up, wouldn't it?”

Meghan then threw the cushion into the crowd, where the Daily Mail caught it and decided to do a 24-page souvenir supplement about it regardless.