THE Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.
The apparition of the former prime minister continues to appear across the media and even in voters’ homes, exhorting them to return to the centre-right so he may rest.
Archbishop Justin Welby said: “We have been troubled by this spectre for long enough.
“He demands we rediscover his legendary ‘Third Way’ so he can depart this plane forever, but frankly none of us really knew what that was in the first place and it’s too much trouble so we’re doing an exorcism.
“Once we’ve lit the candles and said the Latin his wraith will be torn from our world into oblivion, with only a final cry of ‘I won’t apologise for deposing Saddammmmm’ left echoing in our ears.
“Hopefully it’ll be a lesson to other ex-PMs to shut up and stay dead.”
Gordon Brown said: “After I lost the election, I went straight to Hades and have remained here.
“Well, Fife, but same.”