Gorilla mother faces backlash following c-section birth

A BRISTOL Zoo-based gorilla mother is under fire after it was claimed she made no effort to have a natural birth.

Western lowland gorilla Kera gave birth via Caesarian section, prompting widespread social media condemnation.

Mother-of-two Mary Fisher said: “It’s easy to get carried away because baby gorillas are cute, but if Kera was any sort of mother she’d have opted for a natural delivery, like a water birth with candles and some early Cat Stevens.

“Those c-section females are all the same, whatever the species. I bet she partied like a washed-up rock star from the first trimester onwards.”

Internet forum participant Joanna Kramer said: “Technically she’s a Western lowland gorilla, but Western lowlife is more like it.

“Too posh to push and she was puffing away on her Monarch 100s and texting her mates during the entire operation. Once the baby was out she didn’t even try to breastfeed, she just did shots of Jager and played Paddy Power Bingo.

“There’s no way I’d leave my own kids with her.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
On Friday, a longstanding question is put to rest when Alex Jones writes back to say no, she would never do that with anyone. Good to have it finally settled. 

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
After thinking long and hard, you decide you’d rather be a cyborg than a genetically modified super-being, write your verdict down and seal your will. 

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL)
Patiently, you await the first signs of spring: daffodils, birds in song, farmers spraying banks with manure, the new series of Game of Thrones

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY)
This week, you finally realise who you’d be in a zombie apocalypse, and it’s third zombie from the left with pulled-off arm. 

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Forty years ago you carved your name on an oak, and on Sunday you return to it and find someone carved ‘IS A TWAT’ underneath. 

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
As the most fashion-conscious of all the sun signs, you’re aware on Monday that your black three-quarter-length dress doesn’t really go with an open facial wound.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
You really hope Sanders becomes president as ‘President Bernie’ sounds like the Weekend At Bernie’s sequel you’ve been hoping for.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
As the most logical, analytical sign of the zodiac you’ve determined that your own belief in horoscopes is impossible. 

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
A disappointing Sunday as you manage to cop off with a witch during a pagan orgy and her tit is nowhere near as cold as you’d been led to believe.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
You’ve always believed in the motto ‘any port in a storm’, which is why you were fired from the Met office for drinking on the job.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
For years you’ve wanted a tattoo but not known what to get, but all that has changed this week when you see the logo for the Elizabeth Line in London.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You’re proud to say you feature in one of Aesop’s fables, The Goat and the Other Goat. It’s not one of the main ones. It’s kind of one for the fans.