How come you’re not skiing? asks William

THE Duke of Cambridge is wondering why so many of you are not enjoying an Alpine skiing holiday like him.

Taking time out from his latest luxury vacation in the French Alps, the Duke said: “In a few weeks time all the snow will be gone and you’ll have missed it and that would be a terrible shame.

“Seriously, just hop on a plane.”

He added: “I’m having a much needed break from opening buildings and, you know, ‘stuff’.

“I’m also discovering how easy it is to raise children when their futures are completely secure and you have absolutely tonnes of help. Who knew?

“Anyway, promise you won’t work too hard.”

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21-year-old really looks up to 24-year-old

A 21-YEAR-OLD barman looks up to his 24-year-old counterpart like he’s some sort of guru, it has been confirmed.

Nathan Muir has worked with Wayne Hayes at Bliss Cocktail Bar in Swindon for the last three weeks and is blown away by the amazing life that Hayes leads.

He said: “He’s been a barman for the last two years, so he knows his game inside out. Wayne makes cocktail-making look like science and not just mixing different drinks together and then burning some orange peel on the top of it.

“He’s almost a father figure, although he would have to have had me aged three. Wayne is a real man of the world who’s been to Ibiza twice.

“I respect his wisdom, integrity and how he shags quite a lot of women including one who was 39. He’s like Yoda, if Yoda lived in a shared flat with no furniture except a sofa.

“If I knuckle down, drop out of uni and follow his lead, I could be a full-time ‘cocktail mixologist’ in just a few years.”