How to quit your job without suffering any adverse effects whatsoever, by Prince Harry

STAYING in a job you hate can be bad for your mental health, so just quit. That’s what I did and here’s how you can too: 

Look for the signs

Are you feeling unfulfilled? Do you get up in the morning wishing you didn’t have to go to work? Are there things you’d rather do, like play with the kids, lie in the sun or simply hang out? All these are red flags that your job isn’t right for you. Walk out if you experience them more than once.

Ignore the chatter

There are people who’ll try and guilt you into staying at your toxic workplace, saying things like ‘we need you’, ‘you’ve got no transferable skills’ or ‘being sixth in line to the throne isn’t something you can actually quit mate’. Ignore them. Put yourself and your family first by unilaterally terminating your employment without consequence.

Take time out

Don’t feel pressured to rush into another role. Instead take the time to find your right headspace by moving to Canada or California and just relaxing for six to 12 months. Don’t be afraid to ask friends if you can borrow a house for a bit.

Reach for the stars

Who’s your dream employer? Reach out to them. People say it’s all about connections, but that’s not true – I’d never met anyone at either Netflix or Spotify, but I walked away from negotiations with millions of dollars. Purely because both they and I realised it would bring us joy.

Don’t be afraid to work part-time

Your employer doesn’t own you. If you’ve stepped back from the rat-race and found your mental health improving, dip your toes in the water with a part-time position like chief impact officer at a professional coaching start-up. In my experience employers will jump to accommodate your needs.

Don’t worry

So many people told me I wouldn’t be able to handle it, just as they’d tell ordinary people whether a supermarket cashier, a nurse or an equerry. They were wrong about me and they’re wrong about you. Because, when it comes down to it, there’s nothing I’ve got that you haven’t got.

You pissed about on your phone a lot: an honest end-of-year performance review

IT’S time for your annual performance review and your boss can’t be arsed lying. Here are the facts: 

Attendance

Mostly you were here. That’s grudgingly treated as a positive. You did pioneer a new leave-early-return-late lunch-break system, and there were a fair few positive lateral flows that turned out to be false positives after 24 to 48 hours absence. The first being the day after the Euros final.

6/10

Problem solving

We’re still not seeing any breakthroughs on remembering to include the f**king attachment before you send the f**king email.

2/10

Organisation and time management

File names like ‘ks6 final draft FINAL 1’ and folders called ‘Work stuff’ seem a perfectly clear system to you. Apart from when you need to find something and spend an afternoon checking every file one by one. Excellent timewasting.

7/10

Customer experience

Those outside of the organisation were taken aback with just how well you juggled achieving the bare minimum with looking completely dead behind the eyes. Customers didn’t even complain. They knew it wouldn’t get through.

10/10

Innovation

2021 was the year you were a beacon of creativity, constantly making more with less. Who else could have crunched the numbers and realised that nobody answers emails after 3.20pm, so if they’re sent then you’re unable to complete tasks until the following day?

9/10

Leadership

Your opinion carries weight in this company. When you turned down post-work karaoke because of ‘an early start’ more than a dozen other employees followed suit with similarly shit excuses, preventing a truly tragic evening and saving management hundreds of pounds.

7/10

Communication

We logged 284 conversations about the weather, 258 about how tired you were, and the maximum 48 ‘thank f**k it’s Friday’. You’re incredibly dull. Nobody wants to talk in case you chip in. Huge productivity boost.

10/10