Tuesday, 4th August 2020

It's not a real f**king job anyway, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has explained that it does not matter that he is stepping back as a senior Royal because it is not a real f**king job in any sense.

The Duke of Sussex, which is also not a real job, told Britain that it will not even notice his departure because whether anyone is performing his role or not makes absolutely no difference.

He added: “I’ve just had six weeks off. Admit it. None of you even realised.

“I’ve been in the Army, where they make you do b*llocks stuff like marching up and down and saluting a hat all night. I know a bullsh*t job when I see one.

“So when I say my wife and I are stepping back from being senior royals, it means that next time a leisure centre needs opening someone from Love Island can do it instead. At least they need the money.

“Yes, you could argue that my real job is smiling and waving while the tabloid press calls my wife a bitch, but they were perfectly happy hating Kate before 2016 so I’m sure they can go back.

“Meghan and I will no longer be performing our pointless non-duties for the benefit of a largely indifferent public. If this matters to you, you need help.”