Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Woman realises at least work stops her snacking

A WOMAN who hates her job has realised that it does at least stop her eating all the time she is awake. 

Emma Bradford, a 24-year-old marketing assistant, has been back in work since Monday, has barely eaten chocolate all day long since, and has already lost two pounds.

She said: “It’s kind of an inspired dieting tool. I literally get paid not to eat.

“There’s no way you can inhale a whole stollen before lunchtime at the desk, with stuff to do and people watching. Also it’s awkward pulling out a family-size bag of Kettle Chips, and the canteen doesn’t serve mulled wine.

“And they look at you funny if you wear a grease-stained bathrobe, so work indirectly motivates you to get dressed, too.

“The downside of this new work-diet plan is that you have to dick about with spreadsheets and go to meetings and it’s all totally futile and pointless, but no less so than a juice diet or giving up carbs.

“I’ve finally found meaning in my career.”