Man doing Veganuary sustained entirely by Greggs

A MAN taking part in Veganuary is doing it entirely from Greggs’ vegan range, he has confirmed.

Tom Booker switched to a vegan lifestyle a week ago, both for environmental reasons and to lose weight, and has so far eaten 12 vegan sausage rolls and nine vegan steak bakes from the high-street baker.

Booker said: “Vegans are always banging on about how hard it is to find food that’s suitable for them. I don’t see the problem.

“Yes, there’s a limited choice, but I’ve been going to Greggs three times a day for the last week and it’s all fine when it’s covered in puff pastry.

“Sure, it’s easy to be tempted by the bacon and cheese wraps and pepperoni pizzas, but you just know the plant-based options are much better for your body. And also cheap.

“Can I sustain it for a whole month? Probably. Like they even have Greggs at motorway services now, so this could be it. Vegan for life.”

Booker added: “Though I’ve put on a stone, I’ve got more spots than a teenager and I haven’t defecated in six days.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

The world's best cultural sites I'll bomb if you mess with me, by Donald Trump

I LOVE culture. The opera, gallery openings, all these wonderful places you get invited to when you’re rich. However, I’m not afraid to bomb culture to smithereens if I’m disrespected. Starting with these: 

The Great Pyramid of Giza

I don’t understand why anyone would want to live in these old triangular houses because the penthouse suite would be so tiny and pointy. The whole area should be cleared for a big, huge golf course.

Great Wall of China

Love walls, don’t love China. So I would bomb their big wall and then steal the pieces when they weren’t looking and take it back for Mexico. You can see it from space, you know. It’s the only thing that’s visible apart from Trump Tower in New York.

Disneyland Paris

Disneyland represents the best of American culture, but the one in Paris is infected with French people who ruin it by talking foreign. I will make Disneyland great again by destroying the ones that aren’t in America. This logic makes great sense.

Buckingham Palace

I love Queen Liz. Good friend, old friend. Best friend. And I love her shiny wallpaper and short dogs but I will flatten them all if Iran provokes me. That’s a guarantee.

The Vatican

No better way to frighten the leader of a crazy religious cult than taking out one of his rivals. The Pope can’t vote. He doesn’t scare me.