Thursday, 13th May 2021

Johnson to spend leadership campaign dangling from a zip-wire in Macclesfield

BORIS Johnson is to spend the rest of the Tory leadership campaign suspended 40ft above an Asda car park in Macclesfield.

The frontrunner said he will be ‘incredibly visible’ for the next five weeks but 'may not be able' to answer detailed questions about his policies or character.

A spokesman said: "Dangling from a zip-wire while waving little flags is Boris at his best.

"It’s what the party membership wants from him and it sends a bold, uncompromising message to the EU.

"He also thinks that zip-wires are the best solution to the Irish back-stop. You can’t have a hard border if it’s 40ft above the ground. He wants to be sure that the zip-wires could cope with an 18-tonne lorry full of pigs.

"He's also very excited about going to the toilet while dangling in mid-air."