THE newly-reanimated 18th century writer Dr Johnson is not enjoying modern London.
Johnson, who famously wrote “when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life” had been put in a crude sort of suspended animation in a barrel of special port, until science could cure his gout.
Reanimated Johnson has complained about the toxic dust on the tube and all the other shit 21st century Londoners have to deal with.
He said: “London was so much better back in the day, by which I mean the 18th century.
“Sure there was the odd decomposing corpse littering the street but there was much less pushing and shoving.
“Also in our coffee houses there was only one sort of coffee, none of that complicated mocha-choca-chino horseshit.
“Everyone was having really interesting debates about the Enlightenment instead of going on about diets and their careers.
“And all the carriages weren’t plastered with adverts for baldness clinics and poor quality university courses.
“The last straw came when I ventured into this huge cobbler’s shop called something like ‘Nike & Sons’. It was a gaudy vision of Hell, decorated with images of people fleeing from their own insanity.
“Anyway, I’m moving to Swindon.”