DECEASED musician Lou Reed has moved into the area of Heaven where there is heroin and transsexual hookers.
Speaking via a medium, the Velvet Underground songwriter said he was delighted to discover Heaven has a sleazy, low-life district reserved for famous musicians.
He said: “I’m actually enjoying Heaven, surprisingly you can get smack here.
“And the great thing is that you can do loads of heroin without any ill-effects because you don’t have a physical body.
“And you don’t have to wear robes, you can wear your own clothes. It’s much cooler than you’d think.
“I’m thinking of writing an album about this androgynous angel I’ve met called Toni.”
God confirmed that recreational drugs and sexual experimentation were permitted in the East Seraphim region of Heaven.
He said: “All the good blues musicians went to Hell. And like many bearded, white men I really like blues. So we decided to review our admissions policy.
“Basically if you’ve made more than two good albums you can come in.”
God added: “Hey look, there’s Dee Dee Ramone! Cool.”