Madonna Meets Peres To Discuss The Steady Erosion Of Her Sanity

THE Queen of Pop has given her backing to Israeli President Shimon Peres, as well as showing him her latest impression of a tree.


Madonna, who has changed her name to Brian during her visit to the Middle East, told Israel's leading moderate that his shiny head was an inspiration to the world, before offering to buy his grandchildren.

She told a press conference in Tel Aviv: "I'm so proud to be here in Israel, the place where Jesus and Moses did their famous tree impressions."

The multi-million selling superstar is a devotee of Kabaddi, a Jewish form of wrestling where followers hold their breath while trying to push a fat man into a ditch.

Madonna, a 10th level Kabaddi wrestler, has immersed herself in ancient Jewish ritual and has even taken to wearing bright red knee pads 24 hours-a-day in a bid to ward off the 'Evil Eye' and cold sores.

After meeting with Peres, Madonna is due to fly to Tehran where she will hold two days of completely insane discussions with Iran's President Ahmedinejad.

Madonna is expected to tell the President that she is the reincarnation of Cleopatra, or possibly Stan Laurel.

Meanwhile Ahmedinejad will tell Madonna that he prefers to eat upside down and that he proposed to his wife while dancing to Crazy for You.