Magna Carta ‘not as good as latest Prince George photos'

THE Magna Carta is shit compared to the latest photos of Prince George, it has been agreed.

On the 800th anniversary of the document which limited the power of the monarchy, Britain said the two year-old prince is just lovely.

Prince George proved how much better he is than the Magna Carta yesterday by frolicking at a polo match from which 99 percent of population would have been ejected.

Tom Booker, from Stevenage, said: “It’s so nice to see him having a lovely time in a relaxed environment without being bothered by scum like me.

“The Magna Carta doesn’t make me feel like that. It makes me feel bored. And, let’s be honest, Prince George is so brilliant that we really don’t need it anymore.

“He will be a lovely king who will make perfect decisions and his children are bound to be even lovelier than him.”

Booker added: “I’m not a constitutional expert, but I presume the Queen can just set fire to the Magna Carta?”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Jurassic World not accurate, says tedious little man

JURASSIC World’s portrayal of the Ankylosaurus, has been criticised by a dreary man.

Julian Cooke, 43, attended the film alone and snorted his derision throughout, looking frantically around the room in the hope of finding a fellow dissenting voice.

Before the final credits had finished Cooke was questioning the the blockbuster’s paleontological accuracy aloud, eagerly anticipating the Twitter storm he would unleash once he got home.

Cooke said: “Like everyone else, I was hoping to see an accurate depiction of creatures from the middle period of the Mesozoic Era, so to see the Ankylosaurus, which everyone knows is a plant eater, killing and eating prey was repellent.”

Meanwhile, Jurassic World still managed a box office record opening weekend, despite losing the lucrative palaeontologist market.

Fellow cinema-goer Nathan Muir said: “I’m pretty sure it was the same guy who mumbled about tectonic plates through Ice Age.

“If you really want to pick holes then ask why people keep believing a dinosaur-based amusement park is a viable business idea, or how they keep getting public liability insurance. Or why anyone would not want to see Chris Pratt get eaten alive.”