Man resigns himself to having to date Taylor Swift

A 28-YEAR-OLD British man has resigned himself to the inevitability of a relationship with Taylor Swift. 

Nathan Muir of Hartlepool, a fabrication welder, has confirmed that he qualifies through both his nationality and his height and is stoically waiting his turn.

He said: “It’s not like I’m dreading it. I mean I’m sure it’ll be quite fun.

“But I’m saving for a mortgage, I’m ready to settle down, and now I’ve got to hang around until Tay Tay sweeps me up for a whirlwind global romance that’s simultaneously magical and grounded.

“It’s just not particularly convenient right now. I asked if I could be brought forward to get it done with a bit quicker but apparently there’s no jumping the queue.

“Ah well. I suppose this is what it was like when they still had National Service.”

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Ask Holly: We're going to put on a massive concert to end Nigel Farage - Do you think we can pull it off?

Dear Holly,
Everyone knows I’m good at using my pop credentials to fight the forces of evil. Well I’m going to get Bono, George Michael, Duran Duran and everyone else who’s not dead yet and we’re going to put on a massive concert to end Nigel Farage in the UK. We’ll write a hit song called ‘Tell Me Why I Don’t Like the EU’ and we’ll make loads of money and all boost our careers and save the world yet again but we won’t tell Phil Collins because he’s really annoying. Do you think we can pull it off?
Bob G

Dear Bob,
I’m too young to get a vote in the referendum, but I definitely would vote Remain because if Brexit happens the British people will no longer have access to Nutella or Toblerone or Ferrero Rocher, which would be nothing short of a CATASTROPHE. I think Boris Johnson, of all people, has overlooked this.
Hope that helps,