Prince Philip ever so proud

THE Duke of Edinburgh is absolutely delighted to see his grandson on the cover of a gay magazine. 

The Prince Consort, who is 95 years old and grew up during World War Two, believes that the heir to the throne’s Attitude cover is exactly what a father-of-two should be doing right now.

Brigadier Julian Cook, the Prince’s private secretary, said: “When the Duke spotted the cover I explained it was a periodical for unspeakables of the Oscar Wilde sort and he gave an involuntary cry of approval.

“Obviously being Greek and of a naval background makes him very liberal-minded, which is why he feels comfortable referring to them in such informal and colourful terms.

“He actually doesn’t think the cover is enough, or so I presume from his remark that William ‘might as run naked down Horse Guards Parade with ostrich feathers up his arse.’

“He is literally glowing, and indeed shaking, with pride.”

Prince Philip said: “Give me bloody strength.”

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Cameron promised Liverpool to Wales if they beat England in Euro 16

PRIME minister David Cameron promised that Liverpool would be incorporated into Wales if they beat England in a major football tournament.

The pledge was made in 2010 as part of a deal over additional powers for the Welsh Assembly.

Cameron said: “There seemed as much chance of Argentina invading the Faroe Islands as Wales qualifying for an international tournament, let alone meeting England.

“Who knew about Gareth Bale? We thought all we had to worry about was Robson-Kanu.”

Under the terms of the deal, Liverpudlians would be required to speak Welsh, accept Charles as their true Prince and learn how to bake moreish, sugary little cakes.

Meanwhile, The Beatles, Stan Boardman and the sitcom Bread would all become towering achievements of Welsh culture.

David Cameron said, “I suppose in hindsight I should have held some sort of referendum on the subject but they’re always an idiotic and disastrous idea.

“Never ask the British anything. You don’t want to hear the answer.”