TOO much of a ruddy bloke for ponces like Daniel Craig? Want to share a few silent moments of macho silence with a real man? MMA fan Roy Hobbs advises looking no further than these six:
Reality TV is for girls or men who wear slip-on shoes, except DIY SOS. Knowlesy’s gravelly Cockney tones and general aura of ‘come on let’s have ya’ mean you’d have a right testosterone-heavy night down the pub. Women discussed but not necessary.
Technically an actor, but reassuringly can’t act. Refuses to sign up for a movie unless his character gets to punch people, crash expensive cars and shag birds. Would no doubt candidly compare the bedroom talents of Kelly Brook and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley if asked.
Serious footballing hardman Vinnie also appears in films without deigning to do any silly pretending. If I ever see his massive head down my local, you bet I’m going to buy him a pint and it’ll be unspoken but clear there’s nothing gay about that.
He’s never been in a blockbuster movie but singlehandedly won World War Two, so you’ve got to hand it to him. And that hand would probably be throwing up two fingers and smoking a cigar, because he’s a f**king legend.
He might speak Latin and have a secret French surname, but he’s still a lad’s lad at heart. No way would the yawning gulf in class be awkward or he’d rather be talking about poncey art to a girl called Ravennacieza. He’s banter.
Top Gear? They Think It’s All Over? Blind drunk in a pedalo? A real favourite with the ladies? No way would anyone call you a puff if you were hammering pints with Freddie. Then afterwards you could go back to his place.