THE Vatican last night insisted Pope Benedict could not be more different from fascist dress designer John Galliano.
The pontiff has published a new book studying the gospels of John and Matthew, with particular reference to their views on the combination of A-line skirts worn with flat, open-toed sandals.
In it, he argues that scriptural variation between the two canonical gospels need not lead to heterodoxy and that both authors were clearly influenced by St Paul’s Letter to the French edition of Vogue.
A Vatican spokesman said “Despite the lassez-faire attitude to sexuality, love of flamboyant clothing and belief that they are God’s earthly envoy, they couldn’t be more different.”
“His Holiness does not think all Jews are bad – just quite a few of them – and he does not, at this stage, sport a pencil moustache. As you can see, chalk and cheese.”
He added: ”Mr Galliano makes his living from having a congregation sit in rapt attention as a group of people in bizarre outfits walk in procession down a central aisle in a display that seems to both worship and deeply dislike women.
“Whereas… shut the fuck up.”
The spokesman also stressed that, while Galliano has expressed his admiration for the Nazis, Pope Benedict only joined the Hitler Youth because brown was the new black.