THE heir to the throne thinks Christianity is a load of nonsense, it has emerged.
The infant was left bitter and angry after being dressed up like a tiny old lady and baptised against his wishes.
Desperately flailing his plump limbs, the future king said: “Get…off…me…I have no interest in your strange, outmoded belief system!”
He continued: “At this age I just want to lie on my back smiling at brightly coloured plastic objects. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
“I should at least be at the stage of changing my own underwear before choosing a spiritual path.
“However if it was up to me – which clearly it isn’t – I’d probably choose to worship the egyptian gods, particularly Horus.
“He’s a super-muscly guy with a bird’s head. That’s the sort of tangible superhero god a young boy can relate to.
“I can also see myself getting into tarots, crystals and occultism. Who knows, maybe I could be the next Aleister Crowley?
“Anyway I hope you all had a nice time today. I’m soaking wet now, and thoroughly pissed off.”