PRINCE William is selling the Big Issue on the streets after his grandmother announced he and his line are disinherited.
The former Duke of Cambridge was thought to be publicising the plight of the homeless, before breaking down and admitting he slept in a tent under a bridge now.
Big Issue manager Oliver O’Connor said: “He said that two days after the Jubilee, the Queen called the family in and announced that Charles was no longer her son and heir and Prince Andrew was replacing him.
“Wills, Kate and their kids are now jobless and homeless. Apparently it’s all because Prince Louis was an annoying little bastard at the Jubilee, which seems a bit irrational but then his granny is 95 years old.
“He couldn’t think of any jobs, having not paid attention to any of that, so jumped at the chance to sell Britain’s leading pity-bought publication. He’s doing really well. He’s made £8.80. He thinks that’s enough to buy a house.”
William said: “Kate’s sweeping the floor at a hairdressers and the children are training as East End pickpockets. It’ll all be very jolly and fun. White Lightning Pete is going to introduce me to his favourite tipple later.
“Andrew will be King and Beatrice will be Queen after. Harry’s got deals with Netflix and Spotify. I’m going through the bins behind Greggs for stale buns. It’s all gone a bit wrong.”