Queen a right old cow, says Sun

THE Queen is such an old cow, the Sun confirmed. 

The newspaper, the subject of an official complaint from the monarch after yesterday’s story claiming she backed Brexit, has responded with 12 pages slagging off the UK’s most hated great-grandmother.

An editorial read: “She lives it up on your money but prefers fancy rugby to football and snooty corgis to honest British bulldogs.

“Sneering Elizabeth covers the walls of her four homes in stuck-up art and never misses a night at the opera, which ordinary Gogglebox-loving Britons would hate.

“We’ve listened in to her private phone calls and she never says anything nice about you and wouldn’t lend you a swan even if you really needed one.”

Royalist Roy Hobbs said: “If it’s a choice between the monarch of our country or a newspaper serving up war, tits and invented transfer deals, I know where my patriotism lies.

“Who the fuck does she think she is? It’s Brexit or the guillotine.”

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Ask Holly: My new GF Cheryl is totes on fleek

Dear Holly, 

My new GF Cheryl is totes on fleek. All I wanna do is write love songs bout her sexy AF bod and Netflix and chill wit her, can’t even. But the prob is that she was born in the 80s and can’t understand a word I am sayin TBH. 



Dear Liam,

Huge age differences don’t have to be a problem. When I was little, we had a German au pair called Valborga and she was 17. She didn’t speak English very well but that didn’t stop her from communicating with the older generation. She was supposed to take me and my sister to playgroup but what we actually did was go and sit on a bus for several hours while Valborga stood at the front and talked to the bus driver. I don’t know why she gave him a pair of her pants but maybe he was on his way to the launderette.

Hope that helps,