THE Queen is to let Prince Philip deliver the Christmas speech, mainly just to see what will happen.
A palace spokesman said: “She’s at the age where she’s thinking, fuck it, I am tired of mouthing empty mechanical platitudes and would rather be doing something with horses.
“She knows that if she hands Philip the task then at least it won’t be boring. If it means the end of the monarchy then so be it, it’s not like there’s a decent heir anyway.”
Prince Philip has been briefed to avoid topics including bongos, rain dances, bare breasts, spears, cannibalism, women in general, infant obesity, the Scottish, the Welsh, the Irish and the rest of the world.
Prince Charles had volunteered to take his Mother’s place but the Queen dismissed the idea as “so ridiculous as to be unfunny”.