Resolution of Minaj-Swift crisis beamed to Keplar 452b

EARTH-like planet Keplar 452b is being urgently beamed news that the feud between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift has been settled.

The world, which may have an atmosphere and oceans on which life could survive, is assumed to be in turmoil after the spat between the pair highlighted difficult racial issues underlying US society.

Professor Helen Archer said: “Kepler 452b is older, larger and hotter than Earth, and likely home to an advanced civilisation unprepared for the news that Taylor has once again made it all about her.

“A raging Twitterstorm headed toward them, coupled with some fire selfies, may have provoked an interstellar war which we could only lose.

“Thank God Taylor carefully read the thousands of feminist thinkpieces and apologised. Now they will know Earth is a wonderful place.”