Rolf Harris stripped of Stylophone

ROLF Harris has been stripped of his honorary Stylophone.

The makers of the miniature synthesiser wrote to the sex criminal in prison demanding he return his Stylophone, including the little plastic stick you use to press the keys.

Harris advertised the instrument in the 1970s and was awarded a lifetime lease on the only Stylophone ever sold.

It was presented to him in an elaborate ceremony in Canterbury Cathedral, during which he pledged to ‘exemplify the Stylophone’s inherent humanity’.

A spokesman said: “Clearly that oath meant nothing to him. The Stylophone will now be returned to the Golden Vault to await the emergence of a worthy master who can wield it with grace and skill.

“We’re thinking Mick Hucknall.”


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Middle class person has not seen War Horse play

A MEMBER of the middle class has admitted not having seen the stage version of War Horse.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Everyone I know has seen it. One of my friends has seen it 14 times.

“I want to see it, I promise I do. I tried but it had sold out.”

Bradford made the admission after attempting to bluff it during a conversation about the play’s striking puppetry.

“I made a comment about how you couldn’t even see the strings and everyone looked at me coldly.

“Since then the supper invitations have dwindled to nothing.”

She added: “I saw Mr Ed when I was a kid, if that helps.”