UKIP ‘may be a bit racist’

BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.

The BBC TV show Meet the Ukippers revealed that some UKIP members and candidates hold explicitly racist views, potentially undermining the party’s burgeoning support before the general election.

Julian Cook, professor of politics at Roehampton University, said: “This has come out of nowhere. I think a lot of people who were thinking of voting UKIP will be changing their minds now.

“That said, it could just be a few bad apples and UKIP will no doubt put in place mechanisms to prevent it from ever happening again.”

There had been rumours of racism within the party in recent months but none of the stories became public because of a lack of hard evidence.

Cook added: “It seems the rumours were, to some extent, true. I suspect the media will now try to discover if there are any other racists in UKIP.”

UKIP leader Nigel Farage said he had ‘been awake all night wondering how on earth these people were able to join the party’.

He added: “UKIP has always been an inclusive and progressive political movement and, as far as I was aware, our candidate selection was very rigorous.

“I really don’t know what else we’re supposed to do.”


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Britain disappointed in Rifkind, delighted about Straw

BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.

The two ex-foreign secretaries have been caught peddling influence by yet another obvious media trap, in what experts described as the ‘highpoint of both their careers’.

But voters said Rifkind should really have known better, while Straw has absolutely made their day.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: “Rifkind chairs the committee overseeing Britain’s security services, so he probably shouldn’t have ‘for sale’ tattooed on his bald patch.

“And as a former Tory cabinet minister you’d think he’d have made enough money from the private sector by now. That, and the fact he doesn’t think he gets paid for being an MP, suggests he might be a cretin.

“That’s not going to help in the fight against Al Qaeda, Putin and the French.”

Jane Thompson, from Peterborough, added: “I want to thank Jack Straw. I know his cowardly self-interest over the Iraq war made him look like a manky little shit, but this was the one I really wanted.

“Hopefully it’ll continue for a few more days and I’ll get to witness the collapse of his smug little face.

“That would be great.”