Samantha Cameron calls off divorce

THE prime minister’s wife has halted divorce proceedings after realising she’d lose a sweet £200-a-year tax break.

Thinking about the manly scent of Pickles

Thinking about the touch of Pickles

Samantha Cameron, sick of the humiliation of being spouse to the country’s pinkest idiot, was set on ending the marriage before realising she’d lose a yearly sum almost equivalent to a bottom-of-the-range iPad Mini.

She told friends: “I had the papers all filled out, and under grounds for divorce I’d written ‘Husband is David fucking Cameron’.

“Clearly this was an absolutely watertight argument which no judge in the land could contest.

“But then I heard about this new tax break and whoa, £200 in ready cash in my back pocket just for staying hitched? And I get that every twelve months?

“Divorce over. Viscount Astor don’t raise no fools.”

The tax break is expected to make divorce virtually non-existent, as couples suffering irretrievable marital breakdown opt to stay together excitedly discussing how they’ll spend a nearly  quarter of a thousand pounds.

Samantha Cameron confirmed that, irrespective of her decision, her torrid extramarital affair with MP Eric Pickles will continue as passionately as ever.

She said: “Pickles completes me.”