Tuesday, 4th August 2020

So this next exercise is called 'overthrow capitalism', says Joe Wicks

JOE Wicks is teaching his junior army exercise moves like ‘overthrow capitalism’, ‘throw the molotov’ and ‘the guillotine’, a parent has noticed. 

The chirpy exercise guru has had unsupervised access to the nation’s children for the last eight weeks and freshened up his fitness programme with training on how to bloodlessly overthrow the government.

Parent Will McKay said: “The kids were in the lounge doing Joe Wicks as usual, but because we ran out of booze on Saturday for once I wasn’t hungover.

“I heard him in his trustworthy common accent saying ‘And once you’ve maxed out your parents’ credit cards at the food bank report it as fraud, then the banks foot the bill’ which seemed not very PE.

“So I looked in and he was doing burpees while instructing the kids on the strategic points to occupy to hold Whitehall and cut off government communications. Which made me suspicious.

“But then he brought in his former glamour model wife Rosie to help, and before long I was exercising along with seizing the means of production and it all seemed fine.”

Nine-year-old Jackson McKay said: “Joe’s great, capitalism is legalised slavery, the revolution begins in June.”