A TEENAGER has decided she has no choice but to spend the next 48 hours policing the microscopic behavioural lapses of celebrities to stop them getting away with it.
Lauren Hewitt, aged 15, has put aside minor concerns like homework and family meals to spend Saturday and Sunday on her phone, battling the injustices committed by the famous.
She said: “What am I supposed to do when nepo baby Lourdes Leon gets a totally undeserved front row seat at the Luar runway show? Ignore it?
“Oh, and I guess next I could stand by and let Timothée Chalamet date Kylie Jenner without even registering my principled opposition. If I had no moral compass whatsoever, that is.
“Well, I’m sorry but I’m not the kind of person who can let Ashton Kutcher’s comments about an underaged Hilary Duff 21 years ago slide. That bastard needs to be brought to book and I’ve got the TikTok account that’s going to do it.
“We’re not like previous generations. We don’t stand by idly while those in power abuse it. Which is why I’m spending six hours making memes roasting Doja Cat for disrespecting her Kittenz, the f**king bitch.”
She added: “I’ve told my mum if Taylor Swift’s seen with Matty Healy again I’ll need to quit school to fight their relationship full-time. I think she understands.”