Thom Yorke warns isolated tribes about Spotify

RADIOHEAD singer Thom Yorke is visiting the world’s remotest places to warn their inhabitants about Spotify.

Travelling by canoe with limited provisions, Yorke was in the Andaman Islands yesterday educating tribal elders about the shortcomings of the music streaming service.

He said: “Sometimes it’s a bit laborious because I have to begin my lecture by explaining the concept of electricity, how that led to the development of computers, electronic communication and subsequently music streaming.

“Generally however by the time I get to Spotify they are really on side.

“For many of these tribes it’s the first time they’ve been asked to consider residual payments and whether artists really need record labels.

“But if I can get the anti-Spotify, pro-creativity message out when people are still at the hunter-gatherer stage it can only be more effective.

“A couple of times I’ve had arrows fired at me. In those cases I can only assume Spotify representatives got there first and poisoned the locals’ minds against me.”

Yorke uses a combination of monologue, mime and chalk drawings to describe how Spotify’s business model is weighted against artists.

He added: “It’s not like I’m obsessed with Spotify or anything, I just feel really strongly about it.

“I’ve got mild fever and an insect bite the size of an ostrich egg but I need to keep doing this.”

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Plucky England dreaming of draw against mighty Montenegro

ENGLAND’S raggle-taggle crew of enthusiastic amateur footballers believe they can hold the legendary Montenegro to a draw.

England captain Steven Gerrard, granted leave from his job as a postman, said: “They’ve got big names like Damjanovic and Boskovic, while we’re fielding Rooney who’s usually on nightclub doors Friday nights, but we won’t let their reputation scare us.

“We beat the Faroe Islands 3-0 in 2007, we beat Lichtenstein 2-1 last year, and I fancy adding Montenegro to our collection of giant-killing scalps. Come on, England!”

Part-time manager Roy Hodgson, better known for his stint in Last of the Summer Wine, said: “Montenegro are used to a silky-smooth pitch, not the tough-as-old-boots turf at Wembley.

“A draw against them would be like winning the World Cup for us.”