A WOMAN giving herself a motivational pep talk in the mirror has accidentally summoned Morrissey.
Anne Jones, 32, invoked the spirit of the former Smiths frontman while attempting confidence-boosting, self-love exercises.
She said: “I had just finished saying the words ‘you are wonderful’ for a third time, when, out of nowhere, Morrissey appeared behind me. It was horrible.”
Morrissey said: “I heard the distant sound of self-congratulatory navel gazing, and my soul was transported here.
“I had been at another engagement, ruining a barbeque by referring to the sausages as ‘burning carcasses’ and loudly threatening to leave.
“I had meant it as an empty threat, but then the faraway echo of unbridled self-indulgence was too delicious to resist.
He added: “However, I soon realised Anne had been directing her affirmations exclusively at herself, and not at me. Ghastly.”