Anywhere getting snow must have done something to deserve it, say southerners

THE north of England and Scotland are only getting snow because they have done something terrible, southerners believe. 

The snows which have fallen across Scotland and the north are probably punishment for lack of economic success or backward political views, according to the righteous.

Helen Archer, from Gloucester, said: “I live in a nice area, I work hard, and the climate here is balmy and pleasant. That’s not coincidence.

“Perhaps this latest snowfall will make them clean up their act and start doing things right, but I doubt it. Sadly, they just don’t want to learn.”

London estate agent Stephen Malley agreed: “Apparently it’s not just snow, it’s hail, which you would think would bang the message into their thick heads.

“I don’t know exactly what they’ve done wrong but there’s no doubt they’ve brought this on themselves.”

Northerner Tom Logan said: “Aye, lad, divvn’ be nesh, only a bit o’ snow.

“This is exactly the kind of thing they mean, isn’t it?”