Monday, 8th March 2021

Beautiful dusting of white snow the last thing we f**king need

A MAGICAL snowfall which has made the whole of Britain look fresh and new is the final f**king straw, residents have confirmed. 

The snow swept across the UK from the east last night and is still falling, causing millions to open their curtains to snow-dusted roofs and whirling flurries of flakes only to say ‘Bollocks to this’ and close them again.

Sophie Rodriguez of Reading said: “Aw, f**king come on. Snow? Now?

“A month into lockdown with no end in sight, shops closed, pubs closed, schools closed, and now some weathery bastard’s throwing snow into the mix? That’s just cruel.”

Across the country, Britons are making snowballs and furiously hurling them into snow, making snow angels then stamping on them while shouting abuse, and building snowmen only to twat their heads off with a cricket bat.

Delivery driver Ryan Whittaker said: “It’s like a soft white blanket has been thrown over the entire world, pissing me right the f**k off.

“In fact I tried to write ‘PISS OFF’ in a snowdrift with my own urine, but ran out on the second S. But two other motorists saw what I was doing and pulled over to help finish the job.”