DARK clouds have started to hurl insults as well as rain at the British Isles.
It appears that the clouds, which are responsible for a seemingly endless torrent of rain, possess some malevolent intelligence.
Teacher Stephen Malley said: “I was walking home from work without my umbrella when I heard a booming voice say, ‘Hey, look up!’
“It appeared to be coming from the sky. And when I looked up this cloud said, ‘How you like these apples, motherfucker?’ and fired a blast of rain into my face.
“I angrily shook my fist at the cloud and called it a floating devil, but it simply responded, ‘I’m in the sky, you can’t do shit.””
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It doesn’t appear that the clouds want anything from us, they’re simply being horrible.”
Big black stratocumulus cloud Tom Logan said: “I can see you, puny humans, rushing into your offices with your coats over your heads. I’ll be waiting for you when it’s time to go home.
“I’ll make you all wet and then you’ll get a cold and die, ha ha ha.”
Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis said: “The government should invest in cloud-busting machines. They’re like big sonic guns you point at the sky, I saw them in an old Kate Bush video where they seemed to work pretty well.
“They need to do something. There’s a cloud outside my window singing ‘It’s gonna rain forever’ to the tune of Fame.”