Saturday, 15th August 2020

Chlorinated chicken insists it just likes being clean

CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean. 

Eleanor Shaw, a chlorinated chicken from Alabama in the United States, admitted she might be a bit obsessed by personal hygiene but it surely cannot do any harm.

She continued: “No offence, but European chicken just doesn’t smell great to me. Shared a truck with French hens once. Pee-yew.

“I don’t know why y’all don’t like to wash. Over here every chicken has a hydrogen peroxide peel, to clear away bacteria and reduce the visible signs of aging.

“I hope soon Brits will learn to embrace chicken that smells like swimming pools, the way God intended.

“Yes, our flavour has been completely eradicated, but we’re chicken. We aren’t meant to taste of anything.”

Shaw, who hatched in January, has vowed to raise awareness of the issue for the remaining three weeks of her life.