Saturday, 4th April 2020

Third date best time for sex and revealing you're batsh*t insane

THE third date is the best moment to make a relationship physical and to unveil your collection of human skulls, experts believe. 

Relationship experts advise that by the third date the emotional bonds forged can be strengthened by intimacy before the really weird stuff comes to the surface.

Donna Sheridan said: “By the time I get to a third meeting, I know my date is at least slightly interested so I drop hints about sex later and also that I collect human skulls, largely of convicted criminals of the Victorian era.

“You’d be amazed how often the prospect of sex blinds them to anything else. Until the post-coital moment when they see the candlelight flickering in the polished empty sockets.

“It also allows them to relax and reveal more about their own lifestyles, for example when my date told me that he still lived at home and slept in a bunk bed with his 33-year-old brother.

“On a first date that would have me running for the hills but three dinners in I let it fly as I want a return on my investment in the shape of an erotic slave for my skull dungeon.”

Sheridan’s date Martin Bishop said: “I’m never leaving my bunk bed again.”