Monday, 8th March 2021

Cocky motorists to drive into unexpectedly deep floods

BRITAIN’S idiot drivers have vowed to try their luck at driving through floodwater after having a guess at how deep it is. 

As the government issued flood warnings, men with driving gloves agreed that unexpectedly large pools of water on country roads were unlikely to affect non-watertight cars weighing over a tonne.

Martin Bishop said: “There’s no way a mini-ocean of murky water under a bridge can go deeper than half an inch. I’ll give it a go because I’ve got a massive Audi and I’m in a hurry to get home before Bargain Hunt.

“Sure, during the last floods my previous Audi floated halfway down the street before sinking and almost killing me, but this time I’ll go faster and pop the hazards on.”

Donna Sheridan of Harrogate agreed: “My old Fiat Panda is bound to be amphibious. There’s probably a button on the dashboard that sends fins and propellers out like a James Bond car, but I won’t check until the icy water is up to my chest.

“I’ll have to take my chances because I need to go to Asda later for an air freshener and there’s no way that can wait a couple of days.”

A Department for Transport spokesperson said: “We urge people to use common sense. Rev the engine then race at the water like a maniac, and you’ll probably bounce over it like a skipping stone.”