Dad writes to baby daughter explaining why he chose steak over the planet

A LETTER by a father to his baby daughter explaining why he chose roast dinners, frequent flying and a fast car over her future has gone viral. 

More than 5.5m people have read 36-year-old Norman Steele’s moving address to his nine-month-old daughter Jasmine in which he spells out why he decided to do whatever he liked and leave her to deal with the consequences.

In the tender and personal letter, Steele said: “My darling daughter, by the time you read this, sea and temperature levels will have risen to degrees that make human life barely tolerable.

“You might be asking yourself what I, your father, did to avert this catastrophe. Well, I considered becoming vegan. I wrestled with it. Then I thought, bollocks to that.

“I could have given up driving. But I had an Alfa Romeo 4C coupe, given six stars by Jeremy Clarkson. Great handling, smooth transmission. Honestly it’s a joy just to run to the shops.

“As for plane travel, well, it’s hot all the time for you but you must remember this used to be a bloody cold country. I needed my summer holidays and my winter break in Jamaica.

“So while life may be tough for you, in the wasteland we’ve made of our future, know that I love you like I loved steak, driving and minibreaks in Sardinia. A lot. Good luck with it all. Dad.”

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Man pretending to enjoy cigar

A MAN is doing his level best to convince onlookers he is enjoying smoking a cigar. 

Stephen Malley stepped outside to smoke the Cuban robusto along with other wedding guests and is doing his absolute utmost to feign pleasure at the experience. 

He said: “This is great, like in The Godfather. Apart from the smell. 

“I mean it really fucking stinks. What is it they put in cigarettes? Formaldehyde and whatever? If it stops them tasting like this it can’t be bad. 

“And it massively hurts my throat. Are you supposed to inhale it? I tried and now I can only taste pain.

“At least it looks great, though. When the girls see how powerfully masculine I am with this big cigar they’ll flip their shit.”

Fellow guest Emma Bradford said: “They were all out there for 40 minutes with these massive cigars, then spent an hour coughing hackingly into napkins. Hilarious. We’re going to make them have Guinnesses next.”