Dog cancels important garden visit due to rain

A DOG has confirmed the cancellation of a trip to the garden because of poor weather conditions.

Dog Wayne Hayes said: “I can confirm that this morning’s garden visit, during which I planned to do a shit and sniff around for evidence of squirrels, will no longer be taking place.

“There are a number of safety concerns arising from the rain, chiefly getting a wet coat but also the possibility of skidding due to lack of paw traction.

“The garden trip will now take place this afternoon or when the rain stops, whichever is sooner, because obviously I will need a shit before too long.

“I apologise to household members who responded to my initial scratching at the back door. I merely wanted the door opened so that I could further monitor the weather situation, after which I decided not to embark.

“Einstein said ‘the measure of intelligence is the ability to change’, which clearly means you should stay indoors if you don’t want to get your ears all wet.”