DRIVERS of London’s new electric black cabs will spout intolerant, reactionary views about people who damage the environment, they have promised.
In trials of the new vehicles, cabbies found themselves involuntarily ranting about global warming and rising sea levels instead of their traditional themes of crime and immigration.
Cabbie Roy Hobbs said: “I can get just as angry about recycling as I can about foreigners and sex offenders. Hanging’s too good for scum who put jam jars in landfill.
“Don’t get me started on people who ignore bee population decline. If they don’t want insect biodiversity and think we can somehow survive without pollination then we should deport the lot of them.
“I had that Claudia Winkleman in the back earlier. I gave her a piece of my mind about switching to energy-saving lightbulbs and installing a green roof.”
Fellow cabbie Norman Steele said: “This used to be a nice area until people with large carbon footprints started moving in. They should adapt to our culture and get solar panels and a ground source heat pump, or fuck off.
“I’m not prejudiced, but I’d hit the bloody roof if my daughter brought home a boyfriend who hadn’t spent six tagging marmosets in Ecuador.”