Endangered animals ‘guilty of poor financial planning’

THE loss of two-thirds of the earth’s wild animals in the next four years has been blamed on their refusal to earn and save money.

Animals from elephants to salamanders are expected to die out completely by 2020, which is widely supposed to be because they have not worked hard enough. 

Stephen Malley of Hitchin said: “Habitat being wiped out? Tough all over mate. 

“I got priced out of Walthamstow so I moved up here, started a Bargain Booze franchise, coining it. You’ve got to be adaptable. 

“But your gorillas just sit on their arses never thinking about where the next tract of primary rainforest is coming from.”

Primary school teacher Susan Traherne agreed: “Since 2008 I’ve been on a tracker mortgage for low interest, but now I’m on a fixed rate in case they go up. 

“The endangered Panamanian golden frog should take a leaf out of my book and plan for changing circumstances, or he’s got nobody but himself to blame.” 

Mountain gorilla Tom Logan said: “Fair enough, I made some mistakes, I’m holding my hands up.”