THE Environment Agency is to step up its attack on Somerset with more than two million carnivorous fish.
Piranhas will be released into the flooded Somerset Levels, turning thousands of acres of once productive farmland into an insatiable frenzy of blood.
A spokesman said: “Let this be a warning to all who would dare accuse the Environment Agency of incompetence.
“Do you think we flooded Somerset because we’re stupid? We flooded Somerset because we were bored.”
The move is part of the environmental watchdog’s multi-million pound bid to overtake the Arts Council as Britain’s deadliest quango.
Next month all the hedgerows in Essex will be replaced by 20 foot-tall Venus fly traps and in April Shropshire will be forced to choose between anthrax and napalm.