A FRENCH mountain is covered in snow and smug, excitable arseholes, it has emerged.
Awful humans from across Europe have gathered on the mountain to slide down it, creating what looks like a giant prick volcano.
French mountain Hélène Archer said: “I’m up to my summit in total shits.
“Wankers who think they’re gnarly because they’ve spent two hundred quid on a pair of goggles and strapped themselves to an ironing board.
“Red-cheeked, status-obsessed skiing dicks, quaffing champagne and boasting about their crypto investments.
“It’s like I’ve started sweating cretins. At least I get some respite in the night when they all squeeze into the clubs, get on the gak and jump to around to some awful will.i.am track.”
Archer added: “It never ends. A couple of months into spring and I’m crawling with angry dads on mountain bikes. I wish I was a hill or a cloud.”