Humans undecided on total destruction of nature versus having cool stuff

HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.

50 per cent of species have disappeared in the last 40 years, prompting debate over whether ecosystems are better than phones and burgers.

Office worker Mary Fisher said: “Many animals have appealing faces but if you get close to them they would probably bite you.

“By comparison my new phone is really good plus you can look at pictures of animals on it because it has the internet.

“In conclusion I think we should use the planet’s natural resources to make sleek things to go in shops, and to hell with pandas and garter snakes.”

Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “Animals generally don’t live very long anyway, whereas stuff lasts forever. Or at least until they bring out newer, slightly cooler stuff and you have to throw the old stuff away.”

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Kelly Brook leaves earthly plane

MODEL Kelly Brook has left the mortal plane to travel the higher realms looking for love.

Having reached the highest level of our reality and become omnipresent, the former Big Breakfast star has broken her fleshly bonds to depart into the ether.

Her spirit ablaze, wearing a Proenza Schouler skirt and Sam Edelman caged sandals, Brook will spend a few aeons in paradise before being stepping out in Hades with the Horned One himself.

After that relationship ends she will merge with the godhead, becoming at one with everything for eternity just like she already is on the Mail Online sidebar.

She said: “Amazingly, a precondition of becoming the force that drives the universe is having a failed relationship with a former Gladiator.

“Me, Jordan and Ulrika will laugh about that one until the end of time.”