Thursday, 6th May 2021

Insurer disgusted by suggestion it might have to 'pay out' over floods

AN insurance company is horrified by the suggestion that it might ‘pay out’ to ‘claimants’ on its ‘policies’. 

Following floods across Britain, leading insurers have acted swiftly to advise stricken customers not to contact them and certainly not to expect any money. 

A company spokesman said: “In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve had a bloody hard year. Since March we’ve barely stopped fighting all these claims for pandemic liability. And now this? 

“Let me tell you, we are not in the mood for a load of soggy homeowners lying about how much their carpets cost. So don’t even start. 

“You know which way the money changes hands in this relationship. From you to us, every month. Why would that suddenly reverse? Does gravity reverse? Does time? 

“Your ‘claims’ will be treated with the contempt they deserve. Your premiums will be increasing. Every flooded home should have had 500 sandbags ready. You’ve just been careless.” 

Flood victim Nathan Muir of Didsbury said: “I asked the government for help, but apparently they’re flat broke because they’ve been propping up the insurance sector.”